youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
