Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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