Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
