Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
