Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize