He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
