No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
