wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
