I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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