My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
