it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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