Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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