Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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