The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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