my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
