Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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