You're my little dorito
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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