Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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