nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
