awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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