Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
