You're my little dorito
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
