Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
