I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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