I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
