Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
