Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize