Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
