Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
