I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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