I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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