it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
