The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
