dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize