i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
