Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
