And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
