I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
