Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
