i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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