so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
