You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
