pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wear drunk well.
Randomize