Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
