There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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