I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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