Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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