Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize