you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
