Kiss
Puke
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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