also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
