I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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