I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
