Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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