I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
