wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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