I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
