She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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