Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
