His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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