I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She bit a glass in half.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
