Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
