Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Can vaginas get frostbite?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
