Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
