i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
