Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
