how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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