my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize