The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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