I'm sorry my penis didn't work
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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