gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
