i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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