Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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