I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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