What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
