i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize